Dear Diary ❤

im sitting hear silently around happy people

laughing and smiling , feeling alone

wanting to disappear

for ah month , maybe even ah year

tired of all the bullshit 

realizing being here isnt it

im feeling like i dont belong 

and i know so many things could go wrong

done with pretending like im strong

ready to get up and move on

move on with everything , everyone

cuz as of now im fuckin done

my lifes fucked , these days i cant trust no one im on my own

fuck them fake friends nothing but the shit they talk “ill stay till the end”

i learned from my mistakes

my fuckin heart aches from all this cryin all these damn people lyin

im ready to give up and stop tryin

its get hard after a while having to keep up your head and faking ah smile everyday

telling yourself that everythings gunna be okay

when you know thats just something you have to say

thats when i start to pray

pray to get closer to my family

we just always seem to disagree

my mamas looking at me like she dont know me anymore

telling me im not the same sweet little girl she knew before

not daddys little princess anymore

my heart hurts even more

theres nothing to care for

ive changed and i know it

i just dont fit

but i continue …

to sit here around happy people , laughing and smiling

feeling alone knowing ill always be on ..

my own …

~Pauline~ 

All i wanna say is thankyou

never thought id see the day id hate you 

never thought it’d come to its breaking point

for me to just smoke ah joint

forget about the past im sorry i ever asked 

for you to be my man 

i almost feel in love

i almost gave ah fuck

well thank god for my good luck 

cuz i could say i dogged ah bullet

i was so through with it 

the sweetness turned into bitterness

you were looking down on me 

and i was just tryna impress

saying the words i thought id never say

starting to feel that pain in my chest

lifes filled with loneliness

making people suicidal take ah shot to the head

put that bitch to bed

and im just tryna forget you

take back the moment i first met you

sit back inhale the good shit , exhale the bullshit

take ah few more hits till im gone 

cuz lifes ah blur , ima keep sippin on this cold liquor ….

~Pauline , j .. ~ 

im sittin hear cryin , and no one gives ah fuck

could be sittin here dyin and still no one would give ah fuck

looking through the window watching you guys smile and laugh

fuck im the odd one out

and no one really eva gave ah fuck to ask how i felt

ive always been alone just me and my emptiness

its always been me myself i , and nothing but my loneliness

sometimes i ask myself why im i here and it always seems to end in ah tear

and yeah my biggest fear is dyin , oh wait stop im lyin , my biggest fear is being here

im lookin in the mirror and tryna see the good in life

there is no fuckin good

they say if you stay a little longer things will get better

but im just tryna leave and get a little stronger

i dont see what the point of being here is

theres nothing to do , and no one to talk to

and if there is im looking to poor out my heart

i might fall apart , but just listen

i know ive sinned alot in my life

and im not the perfect daughter to my mother or my father

i get treated differently

and thats something they all could see

im not looking for forgiveness 

nah fuck that sorrys bullshit

but when im gone well see who you miss

my anger has been building up for so long

im starting to put up my fist , punchin holes in the walls

till my knuckles turn red

forgetting what you said

to keep up my head

nothing but those crazy thoughts runnin through my mind

hidin everything pretending like its fine

well thats the way its always been and thats the way it will always be

just me myself and i …

~Pauline~